Please excuse me for not posting any picture of mine but I'm not feeling like shooting today. I had a night-out yesterday and it was just...terrible. Epic fail. I felt like being totally excluded, as if I had some infectious illness and nobody wanted to come too close to me. Even my best friend didn't pay much attention. Well, I learned to just stay at home next saturday and work on my skilled work, probably better invested time.
I really don't know what's wrong with me these days. No idea. I feel like everything that I worked for so hard all this year, in the end is slipping out of my hands again. My friends, my family,my love, school, work, weight, my MOOD! My f***** positive, idealistic, optimistic, laughing, grinning, hibbely mood I managed to keep all over the summer-days, no matter what happened...it's GONE! I'm waking up with a hammer in my iron-brain and go to sleep with it. I'm working my f***** ass off for school and still I got the feeling I'm never gonna make my final examination. I want to be near my friends, but I'm ignored by them or just kept out. I want to be here for my family but most of the time I sit in my room on the desk. And I love him, I kept thinking about him all day, what more evidence do I need? But...I don't want to burden him with my terrible mood. :(
All I wanted was a static, stable situation in which I could enjoy myself, feel good and love my life. Some sort of caressing order. But all I got is now destructive chaos. At least, I feel like it.
PS: I just realized that I haven't saved any depressed or sad pictures on my laptop...I must have been really happy for quite a long time then.
yours
Rose
HAVE A NICE SUNDAY! don't let yourself be pulled down by my naive, negative thoughts.
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